by Oceana Lablanc
We don’t hear that much about sensuality or pleasure in the Red Tent Temple. Much of what is spoken is about suffering that women are processing as they heal past wounds and deal with what it is to be a woman in this world. In my work I’ve learned that pleasure is crucial for women, that it’s the gateway to good, gratitude, abundance, love, joy and full self-expression.
Releasing our full radiance and power isn’t possible when we stuff down our passion and fire, and sit on the life force energy that lives in our bellies. When we allow pleasure to infuse us, we unleash the fullness of all that we are, and we’re capable of infinite possibilities, and immeasurable magic!
The top questions I hear are about sex over fifty, lack of desire, and how to attract a lover. Women tell me they either want more sex or less sex than their partners. They fear the loss of libido, or wonder what happened to theirs or if they will ever get it back. Some are just beside themselves trying to find the right partner. Sensuality, intimacy and pleasure are absolutely crucial in the response to all of these queries, but they’re glaringly absent in most people’s vocabulary. Why is this?
Our culture gives pleasure a very bad rap. We’re taught it’s frivolous, to deny it, that it can wait until the work is done. We’ve erased pleasure from our landscape and diminished it to the realm of indulgence, which inherently means unnecessary. The truth is that it’s so crucial to a woman’s life essence and fulfillment that it’s no wonder it was relegated to the back seat. What is necessary for women hasn’t been on the forefront of our radar for 5,000 years! It’s time to change this. Pleasure requires a vulnerable intimacy with life, as does sensuality. They are inextricably interwoven, and our engagement with them is what’s missing for most of us.
So how do we begin? Start by relieving stress so that you feel sexier, or have more sex to relax. Really, you can find pleasure everywhere if you’re looking for it. A gentle breeze, the feel of ice cream on your tongue, a flower in bloom…millions of opportunities for pleasure present themselves every day. Self-pleasure is the surest way to immediate pleasure, and it makes one a much better lover, too.
Intimacy is rooted in vulnerability, which is what we all secretly desire. It’s what cradles us in community, gives us a deep feeling of belonging, and nurtures our spirits. Learning to truly meet someone’s eyes, we begin to allow others in and release judgment. Replacing self-recrimination with self-love, we heal our connections from the inside out, learning to connect on deeper levels. We’re opened up to a more relaxed sensuality where our inhibitions fall away and we’re more fully present, open to pleasure and deeply connected with others.
When we embrace sensual pleasure, our life force is unbound and our power to create the magic we desire is limitless. This is the secret about women that has been hidden and squashed for so long. We are absolutely divinely embodied creatures whose time to shine has finally come.